Disclaimer no. 1: This blog is based on my personal experiences and reflections, not professional advice.
Disclaimer no. 2: All the links in this blog post are for informational purposes only. I am not affiliated with any of the products or sellers mentioned and do not receive any commissions from purchases made through these links.
What happened
One evening, some of my cousins visited us at the colony where we had recently built our new house. We all decided to go out for a stroll. While walking, we saw a little boy, probably around five years old, carrying something far too heavy for him—bags of flour, sugar, and oil. Struggling under the weight, he eventually tripped and fell on the road.
We immediately noticed him, pointed it out to each other, and decided to help. Together, we picked up his things, cleaned him up, and asked for his address to take him and his belongings home. When we reached his house, he told us to hand over the items one at a time, saying he’d take them inside himself. We asked if he was sure, and he insisted, thanking us.
Once inside, we heard him tell a woman—presumably his mother—that he’d brought everything home. Instead of showing gratitude, she scolded him for taking too long and dirtying his clothes. My heart sank for that boy. Here was a little child who had just carried such a heavy load with great difficulty, yet she didn’t seem to care. In that moment, a quote came to mind: “Don’t force yourself to fit in where you don’t belong.” It reminded me of wounds from my own past.
The experience
In 2018, we lived in our grandfather’s house. My uncle was returning to Pakistan from Saudi Arabia with his family after 20 years, and my 10th-grade exams were just around the corner.
All of my aunts and cousins gathered to welcome them. We and our grandmother (may she rest in peace) bought garlands of red roses for my uncle and his family. When my aunts and cousins arrived, we got more garlands so they could also greet my uncle’s family with them. There were so many garlands that each of us placed one around my uncle and every member of his family. We gave them the warmest welcome we could and hosted a big feast for them. Everyone, including me, was genuinely happy that day.
But little did we know that this happiness wouldn’t last, and we’d soon see their true colors.
My father took care of all their expenses because my uncle claimed he had returned to Pakistan with empty pockets due to joblessness and a severe heart condition. For the next 18 months, my father paid all their bills—electricity, gas, transport, food, education, and medical expenses—despite having limited income as a government school teacher.
My dad wasn’t wealthy. His modest salary barely covered our own needs, but he still sacrificed for my uncle and his family. At one point, my dad even took multiple unpaid leaves from work to help with my uncle’s treatment, despite losing 2000 PKR per day in salary deductions for extended absences.
Over time, our financial situation worsened. My dad’s salary, 80% of which went toward their expenses, was no longer enough. He had to borrow money to pay our utility bills. Yet, we stayed silent and kept helping them. They even took over other rooms in the house, including the one that belonged to my grandmother, leaving us with less space.
Our fridge, which we used to store our food, was also in my grandmother’s room. Without asking, my uncle’s family began eating our food. Even then, we didn’t say anything.
Our financial situation had become so dire that we couldn’t even afford to buy snacks during school breaks. When my exams were approaching, my dad didn’t even have enough money to pay my exam fees. That’s how much we had sacrificed for them—my dad eventually had to borrow money just to cover my fees. This was the extent of the financial strain we endured.
By the time 18 months had passed, we were drowning in debt. When my dad finally confronted my uncle after he had fully recovered, asking him to start managing his own expenses, my uncle didn’t just refuse—he insulted us. He accused my dad of lying, claimed we had done nothing for them, and even blamed us for their difficulties. He began accusing our family, questioning the character of me and my siblings. This verbal conflict became a daily occurrence.
My uncle’s behavior began to strain our family relationships. One day, during a heated argument, the situation escalated, leaving my family and me feeling unsafe. My mother and sisters stepped in to protect me, and we managed to de-escalate the situation with the help of my grandmother.
When my father returned, I shared everything with him. However, my uncle denied the incident and attempted to shift the blame onto me. It was disheartening to see the lengths he went to distort the truth, especially after all the sacrifices we had made for him.
This experience taught me a powerful lesson: no matter how much you give, some people may never appreciate it. It’s important to set boundaries and protect your peace when someone repeatedly crosses the line.
Shortly after, my uncle’s family started living a lavish lifestyle, proving they had money all along. So, that’s when the quote “Don’t force yourself to fit in where you don’t belong” truly hit home for me.
All of these reasons were significant enough for us to decide to rent a place, despite being heavily in debt from helping my uncle and his family. To find out what happened after that, click here.
The lessons
After experiencing all of this, If I had to give some advice then I would say:
Set Boundaries
This experience taught me the importance of setting boundaries, no matter how close the relationship is. My father sacrificed so much for my uncle's family—financially, emotionally, and even in terms of our own family's comfort. Yet, instead of gratitude, we were met with accusations and verbal conflict.
At first, we kept silent, hoping our kindness would eventually be recognized, but it wasn’t. Instead, it encouraged more entitlement and disrespect. Looking back, I realize we should have set clear boundaries earlier. Boundaries don’t mean you care less; they mean you care about yourself too.
As psychologist Dr. Henry Cloud explains in his book Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life, “A boundary is a property line. It defines where you end and someone else begins.” If we had set those boundaries, we might have prevented the emotional toll and strain on our family.
Setting boundaries isn't about rejecting others—it’s about protecting your peace and well-being. It’s about knowing when to prioritize yourself and your own needs, especially when someone else continually oversteps. Learning to say "no" with love and respect is a powerful tool for self-care and healthy relationships.
Not Everyone Will Appreciate Your Sacrifices
This experience taught me that even the kindest gestures and greatest sacrifices can go unappreciated. My family and I gave everything we could—our time, resources, and energy—to support my uncle and his family when they claimed they had nothing. Despite our limited income, we prioritized their well-being over our own, going as far as borrowing money to cover basic necessities and even my exam fees.
But instead of gratitude, we were met with accusations, disrespect, and lies. They turned our sacrifices into obligations and tried to undermine everything we had done for them. This was a painful realization: some people will take all you give and still act as if you’ve given them nothing.
This reminds me of Brené Brown’s words in her book Daring Greatly, where she emphasizes that "you cannot take responsibility for how others respond to your generosity." Sacrifices that come from the heart are valuable, but not everyone has the capacity to acknowledge or reciprocate them.
According to mental health professionals on BetterHelp, misinterpretation of nonverbal cues can lead to significant misunderstandings in relationships. For instance, consistently misinterpreting someone's nonverbal cues could foster self-doubt or anxiety, hampering personal interactions and relationships.
Looking back, I now understand that no matter how much you give, appreciation is not guaranteed. That’s why it’s important to help others without losing sight of your own needs and to recognize when it’s time to stop giving. Sacrifices should be mutual, not one-sided.
Trust Actions Over Words
Throughout my experience, I learned that actions speak louder than words. When my uncle and his family arrived from Saudi Arabia, they portrayed themselves as being in dire need. My father, who didn’t have much to begin with, went out of his way to support them, paying for everything—from their medical expenses to their daily needs. Despite their words of gratitude and claims of hardship, their actions told a different story.
When my uncle had fully recovered, instead of acknowledging the help we had extended, he started to accuse us and blame us for their troubles. His words became hurtful and insulting, yet his actions over the past months had already shown me the truth. Despite claiming they had no money, they soon began living a lavish lifestyle. It became clear that their actions were not aligned with their words.
Psychologist Dr. Albert Mehrabian’s research, as outlined in his book Silent Messages (1971), suggests that 93% of communication is non-verbal—meaning our actions, body language, and behaviors are far more influential than what we say. This shows the significance of trusting actions over mere words. A person may say anything, but what they do reveals who they truly are.
This experience was a stark reminder for me: don’t be swayed by what people say. Pay attention to what they do. Words can easily be manipulated, but actions reveal a person’s true intentions and character.
Protect Your Peace
In life, there are situations where no matter how much you sacrifice or how hard you try to help, people may never value your efforts. My experience with my uncle’s family taught me the hard truth that sometimes, you have to protect your peace above all else. After months of giving—emotionally, financially, and physically—my family was left in a constant state of stress and strain. Despite all our sacrifices, we were met with disrespect and accusations.
There comes a point when you realize that staying in a toxic environment, no matter the familial ties or promises, can have a lasting negative effect on your mental and emotional well-being. Research indicates that toxic relationships can lead to emotional distress, resulting in mental health issues such as anxiety, depression, and low self-esteem (Charlie Health).
The verbal conflict and hostility became too much to bear, and it was only when we began to set boundaries and take steps to distance ourselves that we regained control over our peace. Setting healthy boundaries is essential for emotional and psychological well-being, particularly for those who are naturally sensitive or empathetic (Mindful Health Solutions).
Sometimes, protecting your peace means stepping away from people or situations that drain you, no matter how difficult or uncomfortable that may feel. It’s not about severing ties recklessly but recognizing when the toll on your emotional health becomes too great. As Dr. Judith Orloff emphasizes in one of her blog posts, “The most important relationship you will ever have is the one you have with yourself.” Ultimately, prioritizing self-care and peace of mind is essential for maintaining emotional well-being.
Be Mindful of Who You Surround Yourself With
Throughout this experience, I learned a hard but important lesson: the people you choose to surround yourself with can have a profound impact on your life, both emotionally and financially. In the beginning, my uncle and his family seemed like they needed help, and out of love and compassion, my family sacrificed a great deal to support them. But over time, their true intentions became clear.
Despite everything we did for them—supporting them financially, emotionally, and physically—they never showed gratitude. Instead, they took advantage of our kindness, making excuses, and even insulting us when we asked for their help. Their actions showed that they didn’t value the sacrifices we were making.
This experience taught me that it's essential to be mindful of the people you allow into your life. While helping others is important, it's just as important to ensure that the people you surround yourself with bring positivity, respect, and kindness into your life. If someone repeatedly disrespects you or takes advantage of your generosity, it's time to reassess that relationship.
A study available on PubMed Central, which is managed by the National Institutes of Health, found that having strong connections with both close circles and extended groups is associated with better mental health and well-being.
Know When to Walk Away
Sometimes, no matter how much you give, there comes a point when you have to recognize that the situation is no longer healthy for you. In my case, despite all the sacrifices my family made for my uncle and his family—offering financial help, emotional support, and even our home—we were met with disrespect and accusations. We were left financially strained, emotionally exhausted, and feeling unsafe.
After 18 months of giving and receiving nothing in return but insults, it became clear that staying in that situation was only dragging us down. My father had tried to reason with my uncle, but it was evident that he wasn’t going to change. It was in that moment, when we had hit rock bottom, that I realized sometimes the best thing you can do for yourself is to walk away—whether from a toxic relationship, a harmful environment, or a situation that drains you.
Walking away isn't easy, and it’s not a sign of weakness. In fact, recognizing and walking away from toxic relationships is often an act of strength. As highlighted in an article on Psych Central, toxic individuals prey on others, dominate, and disregard your needs. Walking away is a crucial step in protecting your well-being and reclaiming control over your life.
Moreover, an article on Hack Spirit outlines the unique strengths displayed by individuals who know when to walk away from toxic situations. These include self-awareness, emotional intelligence, and the ability to set boundaries—qualities that ultimately empower you to protect your peace.
For my family, moving on—despite the heavy debt we had accrued—was the first step toward healing. We didn’t need to keep fighting a battle we couldn’t win. Sometimes, knowing when to let go is the most powerful decision you can make for your future.
But what now?
After everything I’ve experienced—the sacrifices, the disappointments, and the emotional toll—I feel a mix of emotions. At times, I feel a sense of exhaustion, having given so much without seeing any real return. The weight of all those months, the financial strain, the emotional distress, and the constant battles left me drained, both physically and mentally.
But I also feel relief. Relief from the decision to finally walk away, to set boundaries, and to stop fighting a battle that was never ours to win. It’s not easy to let go of someone or something you’ve invested so much in, but in that moment, I realized it was the best thing I could do for myself and my family. Walking away didn’t feel like giving up—it felt like regaining control over our own lives, peace, and well-being.
And now, I feel empowered. I’ve learned so much about the importance of setting boundaries, protecting my peace, and recognizing when enough is enough. I’ve learned that sometimes, the most powerful thing you can do is choose to let go, even when it’s difficult. This experience, as painful as it was, has shaped me into someone who values themselves enough to walk away from toxicity and prioritize their own mental health.
So, while the past was filled with hardship, I feel like I’ve emerged stronger, more resilient, and ready to protect my peace going forward. And that gives me hope for the future.
Last but not the least, If you’re feeling overwhelmed by a challenging situation? It's okay to prioritize your peace. Take a moment—what boundaries can you set today? Share your thoughts or pass this on to someone who might find it helpful.